Words of Wisdom 8
The Graduation Speech I’ll Never Give
Like all good speeches, it doesn’t just fit the occasion, it fits every moment,
This upcoming week, my husband is scheduled to be the graduation speaker at his high school alma mater. Even though he makes his living talking to millions of people, he actually hates speaking in public.
Because of that, he’s not particularly happy that I encouraged him to go outside of his comfort zone. He thinks I don’t understand his apprehension because I actually enjoy public speaking.
What he doesn’t understand is that I’m simply jealous of the opportunity, and I’m living vicariously through him.
It’s not the spotlight or the attention that make me wish I could stand in his shoes. It’s the privilege of encouraging young people as they take that final step out of childhood and into adulthood.
Ironically, I don’t even remember who spoke at my high school graduation other than it was a white, male politician. Despite that, I still believe that the right words can make a big difference.
If I didn’t, I wouldn’t write.
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Sharing Some Wise, Wise Words From the Daily OM
May 10, 2013
Healing What Hurts
Freeing Up Energy
by Madisyn Taylor
The longer we sit on pain the harder it is to allow it to surface and begin healing.
Many of us are going through our lives aware of a well of pain underlying our daily awareness that we’ve felt for so long we aren’t even sure where it comes from. It almost seems as if it’s part of who we are, or the way we see the world, but it’s important to realize that this pain is something that needs to be acknowledged and processed. The longer we sit on it, the harder it is to work through, and the more likely it is that we will be forced to acknowledge it as it makes itself known to us in ways we can’t predict. Rather than waiting for this to happen, we can empower ourselves by identifying the pain and resolving to take action toward healing it.
The very thought of this brings up feelings of resistance in most of us, especially if, on the surface, our lives seem to be in order. It’s difficult to dig up the past and go into it unless we are being seriously inconvenienced by the hurt. The thing is, when we are carrying the burden of our unprocessed pain, sooner or later, it will inconvenience us. If we can be brave and proactive, we can save ourselves a lot of future suffering and free up the energy that is tied up in keeping the pain down.
There are many ways to do this, but the first step is to recognize the pain and honor it by moving our awareness into it. In this process, even if it’s just five minutes during meditation, we will begin to have a sense of what the pain is made of. It might be fear of abandonment, childhood abuse, anger at being mistreated, or some other long held wound. As we sit with the pain, we will also have a sense of whether we can deal with it by ourselves, or not. It may be time to work with a counselor, or form a healing circle with close friends. Whatever path you choose, resolve to go deep into the pain, so that you can release it fully, and set yourself free. Remember, it is never too late in life to heal what hurts, and there is never a better time than now.
No Truer Words 7
No Truer Words 6
When Do We Learn Who Is On Our Team?
So I’m old. Sneaking right up until I can peck age 50 on the shoulder. My daughter is a teenager. A young teenager. So I have an older lady’s perspective on much of the teen drama that my daughter is currently living in, including moments of dramatic upheaval, such as the loss of the BFF.
She has had two major girlfriend ‘breakups’ in her young life. Those moments that change forever the dynamics between two (or more) former soulmates. The giggles are gone, the deep dark secrets safely held now become sources of worry and potential ammunition to be dodged in a broad range of social situations.
Now don’t get me wrong – I don’t believe this is something only my daughter has faced. We all have – teenage girlfriend fights are as old as Eve and whoever Eve’s girlfriends were.
Sometimes they’re about serious issues – breaches of trust. Sometimes they start with something far more simple – inane, maybe – she wore that shirt and she knew that I was going to borrow it and now she spilled ketchup on it and it won’t come out and now what am I supposed to wear? Offended woof of air, accompanied by hand-on-hip.
And it goes from there.
Sometimes the participants find that the friendship lost was more valuable than they realized. Hopefully, they find ways to mend and heal, both individually and as a friend. Sometimes, they can’t believe they had tied themselves to something so limiting/frustrating/demeaning and end up moving on to better things.
All of which leads me to ask – how old are we when we learn who is on our team?
Many of my closest friends have been guys – they come without many of the hangups of close girl friends. They also come without the sense of intimacy that close girlfriends provide. That sense that someone understands you more than you want them to because they know how angry/hurt/jealous/etc. that would make them – and they won’t fool themselves that you’re feeling any different.
Yes, I have close girlfriends. Some I have had for more than 20 years – and one I’ve had way longer than that, she was my best friend in kindergarten. But when did I start understanding who was on my team and who I wanted to keep on my team?
I’m pretty sure that it was around the time I developed an aversion to personal drama. That was when I began protecting my inner peace – and monitoring who entered my bubble.
Without going into a great deal of description about my team and how it came to be, I can tell you that my team has thick skin, open ears, an urge to laugh at life. We’re helpful – all over the world, we’re helpful.
I wonder what Sav’s team will look like some day? I think they’ll be creative, caring, challenging. But what age will she be before those traits arise from the flaky, over-competitive teenage energy that inhabits middle school and high school?
I can’t wait to see.
Because I think it is when that team coalesces around us that we begin fighting the outward fights. The ones against outdated policies and social norms, against abuse and addiction, against those things that must change if humanity is to become more human. Because we have the courage to face forward when someone has our back. Someone we believe in.
I know folks older than me who haven’t learned this – who continue to have girlfriend fights. So it’s not a matter of age.
It must be a matter of peace.
And like grey hair, there is no telling when anyone of us will find the first one.
Four ways to be kind to yourself AND kind to others
Paralyzed by Despair
Paralyzed by despair. I heard those words last night in a song and they immediately rang true for me.
From time to time, I remember the dog in the Psychology 101 chapter describing learned helplessness. After sitting on a shock grid that the dog is prevented from avoiding, he learns to just sit, regardless of the shock. Eventually, the dog won’t move to avoid the shock, even when no longer restrained. (Please, PETA, I’m only quoting old text books – let me assure everyone that no animals were harmed in the making of this blog post).
Despair equals desperate. I imagine that most folks have seen enough movies to know that a desperate hero(ine) is likely to make any desperately brave exciting move to save their life. And we are familiar with the moment where he/she hangs by their hands for a moment, music in a minor key, playing behind them. Suddenly, the brass shifts into a major chord, the drumline adds a strong thump thump thump and the hero swings into action!
But does that really apply in the real world?
I’m afraid that off the big-screen, despair really is paralyzing. It’s why people ignore repeated phone calls from bill collectors, continue parenting in the same way as they watch their teenager spin further and further out of control or even take one more beating from an abusive partner.
Because at some point, we become the dog, sitting on the shock grid, ready for one more good whack.
Except, as human beings with free will, we always have the choice to leave the shock grid. And we can even leave the shock grid without leaving the person (unless it’s the abusive partner – then get away, stay away and don’t ever, ever, ever go back).
We all have that big-screen hero in us. We may not be fighting cybertronic homicidal teams invading earth – we may be fighting self-defeating financial patterns (no, you don’t need that purse/shoes/cd/car, etc.), self-destructive relationship choices (unavailable/married men, addicts, or being those people yourself – aka just plain self-destructive) or bad genes (high blood pressure, disposition for depression or addiction, lethargy).
The fights are no less heroic – and possibly no fewer lives will be saved by our triumph than by the big-screen hero’s.
Like everything else in our life, it’s just a choice.
Whether we will continue to hang there – an emotional/social/office pinata, available for all to whack at – or choose to leap and declare our self-worth and confidence by our actions, is entirely up to us.
So, for today, I will choose not to be paralyzed by despair.
Today, I will choose to be energized by the possibilities.
No Truer Words 3
That All May Heal 